none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
