my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
