ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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