We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
