Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
