I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize