i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
