Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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