nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
