Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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