Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
