Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
