I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
