Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
