I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
