sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
