first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we're making bets on your personal life
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
