I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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