I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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