Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize