that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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