he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
