Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize