I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
