And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
