At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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