At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
please come you make the beer taste better
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize