I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Your cock deserves a montage
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize