White coat. Heels.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
