Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
