I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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