I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
