he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
