Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Two words: blizzard sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize