I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
