kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
