I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
last night I used snow as a chaser
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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