Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize