eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
