she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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