Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize