Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize