not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
