She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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