that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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