ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
