no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
