paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Say something about gay babies.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
