dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
