you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
