So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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