The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
