just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize