I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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