I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Randomize
