Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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