that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
