I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
