I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
