someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
