I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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