Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
