She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
