Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
