Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
