He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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