and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I touched a dick in church today
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
