There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
